


The Not So Merry Month of May

by GinnyK



Series: Peering into the Future [1]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Family, Gen, Medical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 19:17:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3580872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh and Donna's life, beginning 10 years after the end of the Bartlet Administration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this in 2002. Turned out to be the beginning of the series "Peering into the Future". The rest of the stories will be posted shortly.
> 
> It is an alternate universe. Two main differences are Jed Bartlet did not win re-election and Leo McGarry did not die.
> 
> Many of the events which happen to Josh, Donna and their kids came from my own life.

May 2013

Donna sat next to Josh idly flipping through a magazine waiting for the plane to take off. Their sons, Jacob and Jessie were in the row behind them. Jacob was turning 7 the next day and Jessie was five. They were deep in a discussion about the new video game Jake had gotten as an early birthday present. Josh was quieter than usual; sitting next to the window he was looking out at the planes stacked up on the runway. He was fidgeting as usual, tapping his fingers on the window, playing with the end of the seatbelt, humming quietly to himself.

"We're going to be late." he muttered as he rubbed his eyes.

"We rented a car, don't worry about it," said Donna as she squeezed his hand.

They were on their way to New Hampshire to visit Jed and Abbey. They had moved there permanently after Jed's heartbreaking loss in the 2002 election. As hard as the staff had tried, the MS issue was just too big to overcome and Jed was defeated by a fairly large margin.

Josh and Donna had been married in a small ceremony in the spring of 2004 and Jake was born almost exactly 2 years later. Jessie was a surprise, arriving a mere 19 months after his brother.

The family had settled in a nice neighborhood in Bethesda; in a house with a big yard and plenty of room to grow. After having two boys in a row they had decided to take a little break in the baby department. But when Jessie was two they thought about having another baby but it just never worked out that way. Now Donna was just past 40 and Josh was 53 so they decided that the two blessings they had were just right.

The trip had been Jake's idea. He wanted to celebrate his birthday with his Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey. And with his birthday in the middle of May it worked out well. Now, even 13 years later, May was a hard month for Josh and Donna.

So they decided to make the trip up for a long weekend. Back in the fall Josh had decided to take a few semesters off from teaching Political Science at George Washington University. His health hadn't been the greatest over the past year. Despite medication and reluctant exercise his blood pressure was still high. He had been having increasing difficulty with his right side over the years. He used a cane when he went out but didn't bother with it around the house. It bothered him when he wasn't able to run and rough-house with the boys. But they understood as well as any boys their ages could understand. 

Donna had taken the time to complete her degree after they left the White House. She was on the staff of a freshman Senator named Billy Fernandez, the same Billy who had ended up on Josh's list many years earlier while on a trip to the White House with the Presidential Classroom program. She loved the job and found it very rewarding.

With Josh taking time off they had been able to let the nanny go and just get by with an occasional babysitter. Josh found staying home to be rewarding in its own way. He did some political consulting when he felt like it. He had decided at 53 it was time to learn how to cook. Much to the surprise of Donna and the boys, he had actually become quite good at it. An occasional lecture broke up the cycle of car pools and basketball practice.

Although Josh had been tired and run down the last few weeks life in general was good for the Lyman family. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna felt Josh squeeze her hand as the plane taxied down the runway. Flying usually didn't bother him in the least so Donna leaned over to make sure he was ok.

"Josh, what's wrong?" she asked as she tipped his chin towards her.

She was startled for just a second as he turned to face her. He was incredibly pale and shaking slightly. "Josh, talk to me." she said a little more forcefully as she put a hand on his forehead. No fever. Just the opposite, he was cool and clammy.

"Headache." he whispered as he put his head back and closed his eyes. Donna reached for his backpack that was on the floor under the seat in front of him. She grabbed a few Advil and a bottle of water he had stuffed in there before leaving the house earlier.

"Here, take these." she said as she put the pills in his hand and opened the water. 

Josh took the Advil and drank some water. He pushed the seat back a little and curled up facing the window. Donna got him a blanket and pillow from the flight attendant. She turned sideways in her seat and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. He slept restlessly for the rest of the flight; waking just as the plane began its descent into Manchester.

"You feel any better?" she asked.

"A little I guess." he answered as he struggled to buckle the seat belt with his right hand.

Donna reached over and did it for him. Josh sat back in the seat, opening and closing his right hand and wiggling his fingers.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't know." he said holding up his right hand. "My hand was tucked under my head, it must have fallen asleep."

Donna took a hold of his hand and brushed her lips against his knuckles.

"You need to get some sleep this weekend."

"I know." he said wearily.

Donna made a mental note to talk to Abbey about a couple of things over the next few days.

They landed in Manchester only 10 minutes behind schedule. Abbey had wanted to send a car to pick them up but Donna insisted on renting a car and driving out to the farm.

The boys dozed in the back seat while Donna drove. Josh fiddled with the radio until he found NPR. Donna drove with one eye on the road and the other on Josh. He knew she was watching his every move and he made an effort not to show just how bad he was feeling. The feeling of pins and needles in his hand had gone almost as quickly as it had come. With the help of the Advil and some sleep his headache had lessened to a dull throbbing.

Donna called Abbey from the car and when they pulled into the long driveway she could see Jed and Abbey waiting for them on the porch swing. The boys were out of the car almost before Donna had a chance to put it in park. They flew up the front steps and into Abbey's arms. After they had kissed their "Aunt" the boys climbed onto the swing to greet Jed. Donna got out of the car and waved before walking to the passenger's side and opening the door for Josh.

"You ok, you need your cane?" she asked as he swung his legs out the door.

"No. I'm just a little stiff from sitting. Just give me a minute. You go ahead." he said motioning towards the house.

Donna gave a sigh and climbed the familiar wooden steps to greet their friends. She gave Abbey a big hug. The boys had already run around the back of the house and were on the tire swing hanging from the large oak tree.

"Josh ok?" asked Abbey.

"Just a little stiff and stubborn. Please don't fuss." said Donna, her eyes pleading slightly.

"I won't."

Abbey went down the stairs and over to Josh. She kissed his cheek and tucked her arm in his while Donna sat down on the swing next to Jed. He was looking pretty good. A little grayer than the last time Donna and Josh had seen him, a little wearier but with blue eyes that were still as bright as ever.

"How was the trip?" Jed asked as he took Donna's hand in his.

"Fine. The boys were great on the plane, Josh slept, I managed to read a whole magazine with no interruptions."

They chatted about Donna's job for a minute, until Josh and Abbey stepped onto the porch.

"How about we go in for some tea? Dinner will be ready in about and hour and a half." said Abbey as she opened the front door.

"I'll be there in a minute. Let me just get the stuff out of the car."

"Nonsense. Someone will get it out for you." said Jed as he let Donna help him to his feet. She handed him his wooden cane that had been resting against the porch railing.

The four friends went into the farmhouse's large kitchen and sat around the table with their tea. They caught up on all the latest news from the rest of Bartlet's staff. Abbey and Donna were careful to steer the conversation away from any unsettling paths. There were no mentions of MS, high blood pressure or anything remotely medical.

After dinner the boys played basketball in the driveway while Jed and Josh went into the study to talk politics. Abbey and Donna took a walk around the pond to catch up.

"Donna, how's Josh, really?" asked Abbey as they stopped and sat down on the boulder that overlooked the small pond.

"Not so great. I thought when he took time off he would be able to relax a little, get some rest, get some strength back."

"Josh, relax? You're kidding right?" teased Abbey.

"Apparently so. He says he likes being home. He's even learned to cook but there are times he just looks so...lost."

"Think he's depressed?"

"Maybe a little. His blood pressure's been high the last six months. The doctor's tried a few medications without much success. He'd like to see Josh exercise a little more but there's only so much he can do. He's frequently unsteady on his feet. He's not big on using the cane around the house but when he goes out to walk he does take it with him. He walks the boys to school every morning and then goes to pick them up in the afternoon."

"Well, I can certainly sympathize with you about having a husband reluctant to use the cane." said Abbey with a grin. "But, actually Jed's doing well. He did quite a few speaking engagements this spring. The MS is still relapsing/remitting; although the relapses come more frequently he does usually recover from them quite quickly. He just had one last week and the limp seems to be hanging on so he's one with the cane again for probably another week or so."

"He looks good. How's he..uh.."

"Mentally?"

Donna nodded.

"Sharp as ever. Which is actually a surprise. He still reads three papers a day and keeps up with all things political. He does a little consulting under the radar. He and Leo talk almost everyday.

"Yeah, Josh talks to Leo a few times a week. He was down in DC about a month ago. He stayed with us for a few days. He looks great. The boys had a great time with him."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the boys play basketball. Jed and Josh had wandered out onto the court. Josh motioned for Jake to toss him the ball.

"You have your medical bag handy?" asked Donna as she smiled and waved at Josh.

"Oh yeah, right inside the house."

Josh took a dozen or so shots, managing to make about half of them.

"Not bad." said Abbey. "Donna is Josh having trouble with his hand? He keeps opening and closing his fist and flexing his fingers."

"That's something new. It happened on the plane but we both thought it was just because he had fallen asleep with his hand tucked behind his head. He said it felt like pins and needles. Why? Do you think something is wrong?"

Abbey shrugged a little. "It's probably nothing. My doctor senses are just running wild, I guess."

"Ask him about it later, but don't say I told you anything."

"Sure."

They turned their attention back to the court. Jed had just made a shot with one hand while holding the cane with the other. The "boys" played for a while longer, until Donna took the little boys in to get them ready for bed. After much discussion about sleeping in the barn they settled down in the twin beds that used to belong to Elizabeth and Ellie. Donna kissed them good-night and went to make a few phone calls.

Jed had gone up to get ready for bed. Despite his more frequent relapses he refused to have the master bedroom moved to the first floor. So some days it took him longer to navigate the stairs. Josh had wandered down the hall to use the bathroom. Abbey went to the kitchen to put some water on the stove. Josh wandered in a few minutes later, flexing the fingers on his right hand. He stopped as soon as he realized Abbey was in the room.

"Hey Josh, you want a cup of tea?" asked Abbey.

"Sure, thanks." he said as he sank down into a chair at the table. He grabbed a banana out of the fruit basket in the middle of the table.

They chatted about the boys and how they were doing in school while they waited for the water to boil. When it did, Abbey set two mugs on the table and sat next to Josh.

He knew he was about to get a medical grilling. "Abbey, please, just ask whatever you want to ask, say whatever you want to say." he said with a small smile.

"Fine. What's with your hand?" she asked as she took his right hand in her own hands, turning it over and patting it before putting it back on the table.

Josh went on to tell Abbey the same story Donna had.

"This the first time it's happened?"

Josh sighed a bit and fidgeted in his seat a little. "No. It happened one day last week too. The sensation came and went for a few hours and then disappeared all together."

Abbey was quiet while she mulled over a few things in her head.

"Josh, I want to take your blood pressure."

"Fine." he agreed. "I can tell you now, it's going to be high." he said as he pulled his sweatshirt off over his head.

Abbey got her bag out of the bedroom and returned a minute later. Josh had been right, it was a little high, but nothing to panic about.

"You feel ok otherwise?"

"Had a headache on the plane. It was probably just the cabin pressure or something." replied Josh, wanting desperately to steer the conversation in another direction, any direction. "So how are the grandchildren?"

"Misdirection isn't going to work on me, Joshua. You and I are going to do some serious talking this weekend."

Josh rolled his eyes as Abbey laughed. "The grandchildren are fine. Annie's just finishing her first year of law school. Zoey and Charlie were up here with the twins last week. I can’t believe they are 4 already."

"And how is Ellie?"

"She's good. Too busy being a neurologist to give me more grandchildren but she is seeing someone at the moment. He's a doctor at Johns Hopkins, where Ellie is working. We saw them a few months ago in Baltimore when Jed was down there giving a speech. He seems nice although I don't know that Ellie is looking to have a husband and a family anytime soon."

Josh realized the uncomfortable portion of the conversation was over and he settled back with his tea. He let the warmth relax him both inside and out as he wrapped his fingers around the steaming mug.

By the time they finished their tea Abbey was yawning.

"Why don't you go to bed? I'm just going to have another cup and then go to bed myself."

"OK. But don't stay up too late. You need some rest, Josh." warned Abbey.

"Yes, mom." he said with a smirk as Abbey leaned over to kiss the top of his head. "Sleep well, see you in the morning."

"You too." said Abbey as she turned to go up the stairs. 

Josh finished the tea and started up the stairs. Donna was still awake and working on her laptop when he got to the guest room. He smiled a weary smile as he went into the adjoining bathroom and got ready for bed. He came out in a t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants.

"You take your pills?" asked Donna without looking up from the computer.

"Yeah and I took some Advil too." 

Donna looked up as he grabbed a book off of the bookshelf and climbed into bed. "Headache?"

"A little." he admitted as he pulled the quilt over his legs. "Damn" he muttered as he threw the quilt off again and went over to grab his reading glasses out of his backpack. After much prodding from Donna he had finally given in and made an appointment with the eye doctor a year earlier. He had recommended bifocals and Josh had flat out refused them. Now a year later, he had just ordered a pair. He was tired of losing the reading glasses and decided that just wearing them all the time would solve that problem.

Josh read while Donna finished up what she was doing on the computer. She never asked what he and Abbey had talked about and he didn't offer any information about their conversation.

Finally the book slipped from Josh's grip and slid to the floor. Donna reached over to take off his glasses and nudge him a bit to get him to lie down. She brushed back his hair. It had gotten thinner and started to turn gray over the years but it was still as unruly as it had always been. After kissing his forehead she settled down next to him as he rolled over onto his stomach. She reached under his shirt to rub his back for a minute before falling asleep herself.


	2. Chapter 2

The boys were awake by 7 the next morning. Abbey had managed to grab them before they woke their parents. She made them a quick breakfast and then they dressed quickly to go exploring in the barn. Donna was up by 8 and she threw on her robe, leaving Josh to catch up on his sleep.

Abbey was on the phone in the kitchen when Donna walked in. She poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbed an afghan off the sofa in the living room. The morning air was chilly as she stepped outside and sat on the porch swing. She finished half the coffee by the time Abbey wandered out.

"Josh still asleep?"

"Yeah. He slept pretty well. I only heard him get up once. Jed still asleep?"

"No, he's in the study doing his morning ritual of reading the paper and yelling at CNN."

"Ah. Where are the boys?"

"In the barn looking for snakes."

"Yeah, well, I hope they don't expect Josh to get up and go help them in that endeavor." laughed Donna.

They looked out over the property until they heard a loud thud from in the house and Jed's voice yelling for Abbey. Donna tossed aside the coffee and unwrapped the afghan just as quick as she could.

They found Jed kneeling in the kitchen over Josh's body. Abbey dropped to the floor as she told Donna to get her bag off the table. Josh was on his side, his eyes were closed and he was moaning slightly.

"Jed what happened?" asked Donna as she handed Abbey the black bag. Donna knelt down next to Josh and held his hand.

"We were talking, he mumbled something I couldn't understand, he went to take a step towards the chair and his legs gave out."

"OK, I need you to call 911 and alert the agents. Get one of them to go down to the barn and keep the boys there for now." said Abbey as she turned her attention back to Josh. "Josh, can you hear me?" she asked as she rolled him over onto his back.

He nodded and tried to say something.

"It's OK. Don't try and talk, just nod. Are you in any pain?"

He nodded a little and pointed to his head with his left hand.

"Head hurts?"

Josh nodded again.

"Just stay still. I'm going to take your blood pressure and listen to your heart, ok?"

She took a quick reading and listened to his heart and lungs for a minute. She leaned over Josh and took his hands in hers. "Josh I want you to squeeze my hands." He squeezed with both but there was considerably less strength in his right hand.

"OK, that's good. You just relax for a minute." said Abbey as she turned her attention towards Donna. 

"What's your gut feeling?" she asked, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to overflow.

"Stroke. So every minute's going to count. I need you to go get dressed and grab any medication Josh takes on a regular basis. Get your insurance information and anything else you'll need."

Donna nodded, kissed Josh's hand and ran down the hall. As she was coming back down she heard the EMT's at the front door. They did a quick exam, agreed with Abbey's diagnosis and strapped Josh onto the gurney. Jed appeared in the kitchen as they were getting ready to wheel him out. He looked at Abbey with fear in his blue eyes.

"Most likely a stroke. Stay here for now. We don't need a media circus. It will be bad enough, I'm sure it is all over that a 911 call was made from here as it is. Keep an eye on the boys, call Leo and call Sam."

Jed nodded as he walked towards Josh. He reached out and brushed back Josh's hair, just as he had done 13 years earlier when Josh was first coming out of the anesthesia after his 14 hour surgery. Jed leaned over and kissed Josh's forehead as he was wheeled out.

The twenty-minute ride to Elliot Hospital was a harrowing one. Josh was very agitated and Donna was doing her best to comfort him. Abbey made a call to Dr. Tom Stephenson who was the head of Neuology at the hospital. She had known him for years. He had been at Massachusetts General years ago and had diagnosed Jed's MS 20 years earlier. 

The door flung open as the ambulance screeched to a stop. Josh was taken off in seconds. Abbey motioned for Donna to go with him and she stopped to give a short statement to the members of the press who had already begun to gather.

By the time she made it to Josh's room it was swarming with medical personnel in crisis mode. She made her way to the corner where Donna was standing, trying to hold back her tears. The room was a well-choreographed lesson in medical mayhem. Almost as fast as the room had filled up, it began to clear. Soon it was just Josh, Donna, Abbey and a single nurse.

"Mrs. Lyman, you can sit with your husband." she said as she pulled a stool up next to the bed. 

Donna mumbled a few words of thanks and sat down next to Josh. He had his eyes closed and it gave her a few minutes to get a good look at him. He was very pale with wires and other medical apparatus sticking out all over the place. He had the pulse ox sensor on his left index finger, an IV in his left hand, Band-Aids on the crook of each elbow, nasal oxygen and EKG wires snaking out from under the gown they had put in him.

"Donna, just hold his hand, you won't disturb anything." said Abbey as she pulled up another stool and sat on Josh's right side.

Donna took his hand in hers. It felt so cold as she brushed her lips across his knuckles. With great effort Josh opened his eyes and gave her a lop-sided grin. The right side of his mouth didn't quite turn up as much as the left. Donna hid her fear as she looked over Josh's chest to Abbey. With a nod of her head Abbey let her know she had seen the same thing.

Josh moaned a little, trying to talk.

"Hey, just relax, don't try to talk." said Donna as she wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes.

He tried smiling again but became aware that something just wasn't right. The beeping of the heart monitor sped up a little.

"Josh, are you in pain?" asked Abbey.

He shook his head and shivered a little.

"Cold?"

He nodded. Abbey and Donna carefully pulled the blanket up around him and settled his arms on top of it, careful not to disturb any of the tubes or wires. His heart rate returned to normal for a few minutes before speeding up again.

"Josh, what's wrong?" asked Abbey as she tipped his chin towards her. He moaned a little and brought his left hand up to his mouth.

"Donna, the basin." yelled Abbey as she pointed at the pink basin on the tray behind Donna.

He coughed a few times and Abbey managed to get him onto his left side before he got sick. Donna was right there with the basin. Since Josh hadn't eaten anything he was mostly just dry heaving.

Josh was just starting to settle down when the doctor came in. He greeted Abbey with a hug and a kiss on the cheek before turning towards Josh and Donna.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Tom Stephenson." he said as he held out his hand to Donna and patted Josh's shoulder. "I guess I won't ask how you're doing." he grinned as he reached for Josh's chart.

Josh weakly returned the smile.

"OK, here's the deal. Josh, you have indeed suffered a stroke. I can't say how severe without running some tests. The numbness in your hand and the headache you had yesterday were indicators of something called a TIA, or basically a mini-stroke. I'm going to schedule a few tests now and within an hour we will have a plan ready." He turned to talk to Abbey, "I'd like to see his recent medical records. Can you see if you can get them sent here."

"Sure." said Abbey as she took the number from the Tom.

Josh was taken for a CAT scan and a few other tests. Donna waited in the waiting room with Abbey. She nervously paced around until Abbey forced her into a seat. Donna was just about to protest when Dr. Stephenson stepped off the elevator and walked towards them.

"How is he? When can I see him? What did the tests show?"

"Hold on Donna. One question at a time. We put him in the ICU on the third floor, he's sleeping, finally. He's quite a fidgety guy."

"Yeah, that's nothing new." teased Abbey.

"The tests confirmed the diagnosis of a mild to moderate stroke. Our main focus now is preventing any further damage. Donna have you ever heard of TPA?"

"Yeah, it's something that breaks up blood clots or something like that."

"That's right. With Josh's high blood pressure he is on the line for using TPA but I think the advantages outweigh the risks and I would like to go ahead and administer it, with your permission. Here's a pamphlet that explains it in more detail. You can take a few minutes to think about it."

Donna looked over at Abbey with questioning eyes. "Go ahead." said Abbey.

"Let's do it." said Donna. "Can I see him first?"

"Sure, you can be there when we administer it. The drug goes into the IV."

Donna went back to the room while Tom and Abbey talked for a few more minutes. A nurse was sitting in the corner making notes on Josh's chart. She nodded briefly at Donna and turned her attention back to her writing. The room was quiet; the volume on the heart monitor had been turned down. Josh was indeed asleep. Donna kissed his forehead and pulled up a chair to sit next to him. He looked so pale, the harsh lights and the stark white linens made the dark circles under his eyes stand out in sharp contrast. She wondered when he had gotten the little lines around his eyes and when the hair at his temples had turned so gray. Running her hand across the stubble on his chin she stopped to run her thumb over his lips. He stirred a little and started to wake up. 

"Do-ua" he muttered not quite getting the word out.

"Yeah, it's me. The doctor's on his way. You need anything?"

"Wa-er" he said through his chapped lips.

Donna picked up the cup of water from the side table and held the straw up to his lips. "Take it slow." she warned.

Josh got a couple small sips down as Abbey and Tom entered the room. Donna quickly wiped his face with her hand and smoothed down his hair.

David explained the TPA procedure, the risks and the benefits to Josh. Satisfied that Josh had understood he turned to the nurse to ask her to get the injection ready. The nurse put down the chart and got the Activase ready to administer.

"What are the side effects of the drug?" asked Donna.

"More common ones that we are pretty likely to see are a fever, lowered blood pressure, which, in Josh's case is not a problem at all. He will also bleed very easily. He can't shave for a while. He needs to stay in bed while it is administered and for some time afterwards. Expect to see some oozing of blood under the Band-Aids on his arms, possibly at the IV site. Are there any other recent wounds?"

"Yeah, his right knee. He tripped on the patio a few days ago wearing shorts. The boys teased him about skinning his knee."

"We'll keep an eye on that." He said as he pulled the sheet off of Josh's leg so he could get a look at his knee. The nurse handed him a band-aid to put over the scrape. "So you two have boys?" asked Tom as he took the drug and put it in Josh's IV line himself.

Josh nodded and smiled at the mention of his sons.

"Two. Jake and Jessie. Today is..." Donna's voice trailed off as Abbey finished her thought.

"Today is Jake's 7th birthday." she said as she gave Donna a quick hug.

"Well, by later today you will be able to bring them here to see Josh for a little while."

"OK" whispered Donna.

"And that's it for now. Josh, I need you to stay quiet and still for a while. Sleep would be a good thing."

That order brought laughter to the group.

"That's not a likely scenario." said Abbey as she patted Josh on the shoulder. He shrugged his shoulders the best he could and gave a crooked smile.

"Seriously, you need rest."

He noted a few things on the chart and left the room.

"I think I'm going to head back to the farm for a while, check on Jed and the boys. You need me to do anything?"

"Call Sam and Leo."

"I told Jed to do that when we left but I'll call them with an update. Anything else?"

"Kiss the boys and tell them I will be there sometime this afternoon."

"No problem." said Abbey as she leaned over to kiss Josh on the cheek. "Behave yourself, get some rest."

"Kay." he muttered. 

"I'm just going to walk Abbey to the elevator. I'll be right back. Close you eyes, okay?"

Josh nodded and closed his eyes. Donna flicked off the overhead light in the room and walked Abbey out. As she watched the elevator door close she glanced at her watch. It was almost 11:30. It was hard to believe so much had happened in a little less than 3 hours. She peeked her head in Josh's room and found he was asleep so she took the elevator down to the first floor and the cafeteria. She grabbed a cup of tea and a bowl of cut up melon. Stopping at the gift shop she grabbed two magazines, one for her and one for Josh.

Josh was still sleeping when she got back to the room almost 45 minutes later. She kissed his forehead and took notice that he seemed a little warmer than he had been. Taking a glance at the Band-Aid in the crook of his left arm she saw it was red with fresh blood. Same thing with the other arm and his knee. She made a mental note to ask for some fresh ones when Josh woke up.

Taking a glance at the recliner that had been moved into the room she smiled, as she was sure Abbey had arranged for that. Donna curled up in the chair with her tea, her fruit and her magazine. By the time she was done her food Josh was starting to wake up.

"Hey, don't try to sit up." she said as she walked over to the bed. She pushed the button and raised the head of the bed a little. "Better?"

He nodded and tried to reach for the cup of water on the tray table. Donna handed it to him and he managed to hold it in his left hand despite the IV. Josh started to drink the water quickly.

"Hey, slow down a little." she teased as she held up a new pink basin.

"V-very f-funny." he said.

"Hey, you're sounding a little better." said Donna with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"W-worn out and...and c-cold."

"Well, you have every right to be worn out. And your temperature's up a little so that's why you feel chilly. You want another blanket?"

"Yeah."

Donna grabbed a blanket out of the closet and tucked it carefully around him. She put her hand on his forehead. "You're getting warmer. I'm going to call the nurse."

She rang the button and the nurse arrived a few minutes later.

"Hi, I'm Amy. What seems to be the trouble Mr. Lyman?" she asked pleasantly.

"J-Josh." he said slowly. 

"I think he's starting to run a fever."

"OK, let's just check." Amy said as she reached for the ear thermometer. "Yep, 101.1. I'll let the doctor know although there isn't too much we can do about it. Over the counter fever reducers aren't usually effective with TPA. But we can try some things to make you more comfortable. Fluids will help, a cool cloth on your forehead might help." she said as she turned to face Donna. "There is stack of washcloths in the bathroom if he wants to try that." She turned her attention back to Josh, "Do have any questions Josh?"

"C-can I eat?"

"If you're hungry you can try a little something but I would take it slow. You want Jello?"

Josh stuck out his tongue and groaned.

"Josh hasn't eaten Jello in the 13 years since he was shot." explained Donna with a smile.

"I can't say I blame you. How about some pudding or some ice cream?"

"P-pudding, va-vanilla."

"I'll get some in a minute. Just a little warning, you still have some weakness on the right side so swallowing might feel a little strange. Take it slow and you'll be fine. You have any questions, Donna?"

"Can you change the Band-aids?"

"Sure, I'll get some fresh ones."

Ten minutes later Amy had finished changing the Band-aids and Josh was staring at the pudding on the tray table in front of him. Donna was trying to decide whether or not to offer to help him or wait for him to ask for help. She knew that could take a while. He lacked the strength in his right hand to grasp the spoon and his left was a little hampered by the IV.

Amy stepped out of the room quietly.

Josh looked at Donna with a small smile and a pleading look in his eye.

"Want some help?"

He nodded. Donna moved the tray table and nudged him over a bit so she could sit on the bed. She gave him a spoonful of the pudding and he struggled for a minute with it, trying to get it to go down.

"You ok?" asked Donna softly as she wiped a bit of pudding off of his chin.

"Yeah. J-just give me some w-water."

He drank some water and they tried the pudding again, having a little more success with each spoonful.

By the time the pudding was gone Josh was doing pretty well with the swallowing. He finished the water and sent Donna on a search for some ginger ale.

When she got back from the nurse's station she found Josh leaning over the side of the bed trying to snag the magazine from on top of her purse.

"Joshua Lyman, what the hell are you doing?"

Josh smiled sheepishly and managed to haul himself back up on the bed. Donna put the soda on the table and handed him the magazine.

"You could have fallen, Josh." she said with a hint of exasperation in her voice.

"But I didn't." he shot back.

"Yeah, cause I walked in before you could lean over any further."

"I...I..." Josh couldn't quite get the words out so he held up his hands in the shape of a "T", the universal sign for timeout.

Donna smiled at him and sat down on the bed. "Fine. Read your magazine and try to keep still, or I'm having you sedated." she warned as she reached out to run her fingers through his hair.

"Uh, Donna do you have my g-glasses?"

She nodded and grabbed them out of her purse. "I need to go make a few phone calls, can I trust you to behave?" she asked with a grin.

"Yeah."

Donna made some phone calls and got a sandwich from the cafeteria. Jed had gotten a hold of both Sam and Leo. Sam was in California but was ready to hop on the next plane if Donna needed him. Leo was coming up from Cape Cod with Margaret who had been visiting him for a few days. They would be arriving around dinnertime. They boys were doing pretty well, Jessie was little too young to understand much but Abbey took some time to explain things more fully to Jake. She promised him they would still have cake but he told her he only wanted to have cake if Josh could have some too. That broke Donna's heart and she searched her purse for some tissues.

Almost an hour had passed by the time she got back up to Josh's room. It was not quite 2:00 in the afternoon and already the day seemed endless. Josh was asleep with his glasses on and the magazine in his lap when Donna pushed open the door. She removed the glasses and magazine carefully before pulling the blanket up around him. A kiss to his forehead told her he was still running a significant fever. She wet a washcloth with cool water and put it on his forehead. Pulling the chair next to the bed she laid her own head down next to him, holding his left hand. She dozed off for a while and awoke to some confusion outside the door to Josh's room.

She shook her head to clear it and glanced at her watch, it was 3:00. Walking towards the door she saw a flurry of activity in the hall. She opened the door and took notice of a few men in dark suits and earpieces. Ducking back in the room she went into the bathroom to comb her hair and try to look presentable, as she was sure Jed would be up in just a minute.

Jed knocked softly on Josh's door.

"Come in." Donna called quietly.

Jed took one look at her and pulled her into his arms. She finally let herself breakdown for the first time since they had arrived at the hospital that morning. She took Jed's handkerchief and managed to pull herself together quite quickly.

"Sorry." she muttered as she untangled herself from his arms.

"Nonsense, you have nothing to apologize for. Now let's sit down. How is he?"

"He's doing pretty well, or so I've been told. His speech is returning quickly. Don't know about any gross motor problems yet. They will know more tomorrow. Right hand is a little weak. He's been sleeping off and on all day. He's running a fever now, a side effect of the Activase."

"Behaving himself while he's awake?"

Donna smiled.

"Guess that's a no?"

"He's fine if someone is in the room with him." she clarified.

"Well, Abbey sent me here to get you to go back to the farm for a while. See the boys, get cleaned up, eat a decent meal."

"Sir, I can't ask you to stay here and watch him sleep."

"Donna, it's not a problem and when did you go back to calling me sir?"

"Sorry, Jed. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I brought something to read. I might even catch a nap myself. Go. Leo and Margaret should be arriving in a few hours."

"They didn't really need to come up."

"Donna do you really think you could have stopped Leo from coming up? Josh is like a son to him, to both of us."

"You're right. I'll go back to the farm for a few hours. Call me if anything changes, anything."

"I will." said Jed as he held out her coat for her to put on. 

She slipped it on and turned back around to face him. Jed kissed her on the forehead and stepped aside so she could say goodbye to Josh. She leaned over and refolded the cloth so it was cool again and kissed his cheek, whispering, "I love you, behave yourself."

Josh slept off and on for the remainder of the afternoon. He didn't cause any trouble and managed to remain pretty still. Jed on the other hand drove the agents nuts, wanting to wander around the hospital.

By the time Donna and the boys came up to see Josh he was awake and had just managed to eat some soup and a cherry Popsicle. He was still running a fever but the Tom had been in and didn't see any reason to start worrying, yet. Tom had noted some returning strength in his right hand. The big test would come in the morning when they got Josh out of bed.

"Daddy." cried the boys as Donna opened the door.

"Don't jump on the bed, boys." she said quickly.

The boys stopped just short of the bed. Josh leaned over a little to kiss the top of their blond heads. "H-happy Birthday, J-Jake." said Josh.

"Thanks Dad. Did you know Uncle Leo's coming up to see you?"

"Yeah, Jed told me a little while ago." said Josh as he looked around the room for Jed.

"I think he went to bother the nurses." said Donna as she leaned to kiss him. "You look good." she said, brushing back his hair.

"I slept, a lot. Ate a l-little dinner. Tom wants to see you."

"OK, I'll go see him. You boys ok here with Dad while I go see the doctor?"

They nodded. "Good. Go easy on your Dad. Why don't you tell him about the snake you found in the barn."

Josh cringed at the mere thought of snakes in the barn.

By 8:00 Jessie was asleep in the recliner and Jake was curled up on the bed with Josh watching television. Donna was sorting through the stuff she had brought from the farm, Josh's pajamas, his backpack and bathroom items. She put some things in the closet and the rest in the bathroom.

Abbey arrived to take the boys back to the farm. Leo followed her over in his rental car as he was planning on staying for a while. Donna carried Jessie out to the car while Abbey took a hold of Jake's hand and managed to lead him out the door. Leo settled in to have a one sided conversation with Josh, as Josh was sound asleep.

Donna stopped just outside Josh's door, not wanting to disturb Leo's conversation. Leo looked up and smiled as he waved her into the room.

"He wake up at all?"

"Nope, never even stirred."

"Good, he needs the sleep." Donna sighed as she picked up the damp washcloth from the bed and took it into the bathroom to rewet it.

"He looks so pale." observed Leo as he took the cloth from Donna and placed it gently on Josh's forehead.

"He's looked pale and tired for a while now, it's not just from today. The doctor thinks maybe he's been having mini-strokes for a while now."

"Oh." was all Leo could say. He pulled up a chair next to Josh while Donna curled up in the recliner. "Get some rest, I'll be here in case he wakes up."

"OK." Donna muttered, already pulling a blanket over herself and closing her eyes.

Both Josh and Donna sleep peacefully for a few hours. Leo watched them sleep, read for a while, watched CNN with the sound turned down. Finally he got up around midnight to stretch his legs and find something to eat and drink.

Josh woke up stiff and disoriented a few minutes after Leo left. He tried to call for Donna but couldn't get the words out of his parched throat. The railings on the bed were up and he banged his hand against them. The noise woke Donna from a sound sleep. She leapt out of the chair and put the railing down so she could sit on the bed.

"Josh, honey, what's wrong?" she asked as she brushed back his hair. His fever had broken and his forehead was cool and clammy.

"W-where am I?" he asked.

Donna was a fraction of a second away from pushing the call button when Josh looked at her and the expression on his face changed to show he realized just where he was.

"Hospital?"

"Yeah, the hospital. You remember now?"

Josh nodded his head slowly. 

"You want a drink?"

He nodded and Donna raised the head of the bed a little before holding the cup of soda up for him. "Go slow."

Josh drank a little and then curled back up on the bed. Donna took notice of the nice pale greenish cast Josh's face had taken on and she grabbed the pink basin off the table and put it on the end of the bed.

"Josh, sit up and drop your head down...good...take a few deep breaths for me...good." murmured Donna as she stood beside the bed and rubbed his back with one hand and held his head with the other.

Josh moaned a little and pointed towards the end of the bed. Donna pulled the blanket back a bit, grabbed the basin and put it in Josh's lap, just in the nick of time. 

She held his head and rubbed his back while he got sick. She shoved a few tissues in his hand and when he handed them back to her she was startled to see that they were red.

"Josh." she cried as she tipped his chin up. She saw red but it didn't look like blood. "What did you have for dinner?"

"Pop-icle." he gasped.

"Red?"

He nodded. Donna let out a huge sigh of relief when she realized he wasn't throwing up blood. She held him tightly when he was reduced to painful dry heaving a few minutes later. When he was sure he was done Josh curled back up on the bed and Donna pushed the button for the nurse. She wiped his face and hands before the nurse got there.

"Hi." said the nurse as she came in the door. "Dinner didn't sit too well, Mr. Lyman?" she asked as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his arm.

"Josh and no, it didn't. S-scared Donna." he said weakly.

"I didn't know he had a red Popsicle so I kind of freaked, I thought he was throwing up blood." she admitted.

"OK, we can give you something to settle your stomach. Your blood pressure looks pretty good. Let me just check your temperature." she said as she stuck the thermometer in Josh's right ear. "Not bad, 99.7, coming back down. You need a new gown?"

Josh took a quick glance down. "No, I'm ok."

"Good, let me check with the doctor and see what we can give you to make you more comfortable."

"T-thanks."

Half an hour later Leo returned, having missed all the excitement. Josh was almost asleep. Donna was working on her laptop.

"L-leo." said Josh as he struggled to open his eyes more fully and sit up.

"Yeah, it's me. Lie back down." said Leo as he pulled up a chair next to Josh.

Josh, despite his best efforts to try and keep up a conversation, was sound asleep within a few minutes. Leo stayed for a while longer, trying to convince Donna to go back to the farm and get some sleep. When that proved fruitless he kissed both Josh and Donna on their foreheads and headed back to the farm himself. 

Josh had a pretty good night all around. He woke up once around 3 in the morning from a nightmare but Donna was able to calm him quickly and get him settled back down without having to call for the nurse. His temperature stayed down and he didn't get sick again.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun streaming in the window woke Donna a little after 7. She sat up and saw Josh was already awake. He was flicking through the channels on the TV with the sound muted.

"Morn-ning." he said as Donna sat down next to him on the bed.

She kissed his cheek. "You are you feeling?"

"Better. It's stronger, I think." he said as he held up his right hand and made a fist.

"Good, the physical therapist while be here this morning. He's going to get you out of bed."

Josh groaned a little at the thought. He took a deep breath and curled up on the bed.

"What's wrong?" asked Donna.

Josh just shrugged his shoulders a bit. Donna was about to force the issue when the orderly came in the room with Josh's breakfast tray. Josh raised the head of the bed a little more and sat up. Donna lifted off the top to reveal oatmeal, yogurt, juice and tea. Josh didn't look too impressed with the selection.

"What looks good?" asked Donna, trying to sound upbeat.

"Nothing on there." said Josh with a snort.

"Joshua, you need to eat."

Donna didn't even bother to take the cover off of the oatmeal; she knew there was no way he would eat that. She opened the yogurt and handed Josh the spoon. "You want to try yourself?"

Josh eyed the spoon warily while he tried to decide what hand he would have better luck with. He decided to give the right a shot. He managed to grip the spoon fine for the first couple of bites but he tired quickly and got frustrated.

"You want me to do the rest?" asked Donna as she handed him a napkin.

"Yeah."

Josh finished the yogurt, half the juice and had a little tea. Donna got him cleaned up and with the help of Amy, who had just come back on duty, got him changed into his own pajamas. Josh complained about the IV but Amy explained he needed to eat more and keep more down for it to come out. Donna tried to do something with his hair but gave up when the therapist knocked on the door.

"Come in." called Donna as she ran her fingers through her hair and smoothed down the front of her shirt.

"Hi, Mr. Lyman, I'm Ken Lewis." said the tall, blond man who entered the room. He held his hand out to Josh as both a friendly gesture and a test of Josh's willingness to try and use his right hand. Josh extended his hand slowly and shook it the best he could.

"Please, it's Josh. This is my w-wife, Donna."

"Nice to meet you." said Donna. "Should I stay or would it be better if I got lost for a while?" asked Donna as she gestured towards the door.

"Actual, I do prefer to have you leave for a while, but I don't insist." he said politely.

"I think I'll leave." she said as she grabbed her laptop and her tote bag. She kissed Josh and wished him luck before leaving without looking back over her shoulder.

"OK Josh, first things first, let's raise the bed and sit up all the way. I need you to let me know if you get dizzy or nauseous at any point along the way. You say the word and we can stop for a minute, ok?"

Josh nodded as he hit the button to raise the head of the bed.

"Good, now let's get you with your feet hanging over the side for a minute." Ken let Josh do what he could and then gave a little help to get Josh sitting closer to the edge of the bed. "Good, now let's just stay that way and see how you do. I read over your medical records last night. They're quite interesting."

"You're not going to ask to s-see my scar, are you?" teased Josh.

"Nah. I do have a few questions. I see where you still have trouble with your right side now and then. Do you use a cane on a regular basis?"

"Not around the house but w-when I go out I take it w-with me."

"How about you right arm? Do you have a lot of trouble with it?"

"Not really, it's st-stiff sometimes but a hot shower usually helps."

"OK, so what's going to happen next is this. We're going to put on your sneakers and attempt to get you standing for a minute and then settle you down in the wheelchair. We'll go over the physical therapy room for a while so I can get a better idea of where you are. We won't push you too hard the first day, deal?"

"Yeah." said Josh as he reached for the juice that was left from breakfast. He finished it while Ken got his sneakers out of the closet.

A few minutes later Ken stood in front of him. "OK, here's what I need you to do, put you hands on my shoulders and when I count to three lean forward, slide off the bed and push yourself up to standing."

Josh looked at him with a look of panic. 

"Don't worry, I don't usually drop people on the first day." said Ken with a grin.

Josh rolled his eyes and put his hands on Ken's shoulders. "One, two, three." Josh leaned forward and much to his surprise he was able to get himself upright without any great difficulty. He was a little shaky but he didn't feel like he was going to end up on the floor.

"Good." said Ken as he snagged the wheelchair with his foot. He got Josh settled in it and handed him something to drink while he made a few notes on Josh's chart. "You ready to go?" he asked as he shoved his notes into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

"Yeah, let's go."

Two hours later Josh was exhausted and on his way to get settled into a regular room. The nurse came in, gave him the dreaded sponge bath, let him put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and got him settled in bed. He was asleep when Donna returned.

"HI, I'm Donna Lyman, how's he doing?" asked Donna as she held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Debbie. He's tired. I think it went well. Ken wants to talk to you when you get a chance. He just went to the cafeteria for something to eat you should be able to catch him there. Don't worry about him," she said glancing at Josh, "he should sleep for a few hours."

"OK, thanks." she replied as she kissed Josh's cheek and squeezed his hand.

Donna found Ken coming out of the cafeteria. He turned around and headed back in with her. They settled in a corner with coffee and muffins.

"So what do you think?"

"It's still early but I am optimistic. Of course, Josh is never going to be back to the way he was 15 years ago but I think with some hard work he can get back to where he's been recently. For a few weeks I think he's going to need a walker and I think he will probably need the cane on a regular basis after that. But his hand and arm are already showing a huge improvement over yesterday. Activase is a wonderful drug."

"Sure seems that way. How long do you think he'll be in here?"

"Well, you'll have to get a more definitive answer to that from Tom but as far as I'm concerned, 5 or 6 days. He'll need continuing therapy for a few months but that's something he can get as an outpatient. Which leads me to my next question or concern. I see you two live in DC. Were you up here on vacation?"

"Yes, yesterday was our oldest son's birthday. Jake was 7. We were visiting...do you, uh,..."

"Know who you and Josh are?" laughed Ken.

"Uh, yeah."

"I do and I have a pretty good idea of who you were visiting. Word spreads fast when Jed Bartlet stops by the hospital." he said with a grin.

"Anyway, we were scheduled to go home tomorrow, Monday. I need to make some arrangements for the boys to go back to DC and finish up the school year. I have a feeling Josh and I will stay up here for a while. The Bartlet's have already invited us to stay as long as we need to. As far as my job is concerned, I'm not too sure about that, I work for Senator Fernandez. So I'm hoping to get back to DC soon but I'm not wild about leaving Josh up here."

"There's really no reason he can't fly home in a week or so."

"That's good to hear. So what's next?"

"Julie Reynolds, the speech therapist will be by sometime this afternoon to work with Josh. I don't think he'll need too much speech therapy. He's not showing signs of major language difficulties. He's stuttering a little but that's to be expected."

"He tends to stutter a little when he's frustrated anyway."

"OK, we'll make a note of that. Any other questions?"

"None that I can think of right now. But I'm sure I'll think of them the minute I leave here." laughed Donna.

"Not a problem, just jot them down for me."

"Thanks." said Donna as she stood and turned to leave.

She got back to Josh's room as lunch was being delivered.

"God, let it be better than breakfast." muttered Josh as Donna came into the room. 

"Hey, where've you been?"

"Talking with Ken. So what's for lunch?"

"Haven't gotten up the c-courage to look yet." grinned Josh.

Donna pulled off the lid, grilled cheese, chicken noodle soup and applesauce.

"Getting better, I think." said Donna with a grin.

"Sort of, I suppose." said Josh as he picked up half of the sandwich.

"Take it slow." warned Donna as she popped the top on the can of ginger ale and poured some into a cup for him.

Josh took a tentative bite and chewed for a minute. He swallowed but didn't quite get it down and ended up choking a little. Donna handed him a napkin and he got it back up but not before scaring himself a bit.

"You ok?" asked Donna as she sat down and rubbed his back for a minute.

Josh took a shaky breath and nodded.

"Want to try again?"

"No."

"OK, but you have to eat something. How about some soup?" asked Donna, trying to be cheerful.

"I'm not hungry."

"Josh" she said firmly, "if you don't eat, the IV doesn't come out. Do we need some rules?" she smirked.

"Dear God, no rules." mumbled Josh.

"OK, how about I pour the soup in a cup and you try to drink some of that?"

"Fine." he agreed, not really in the mood to argue.

While Josh was eating Abbey called to check in and then Leo got on the phone to see if it was a good time to come over. Donna assured him that it would be fine. She hung up the phone as Josh was finishing the soup.

"Good job. Leo's gonna come over for a while. I need to go back to the farm, spend some time with the boys and call Billy to let him know what's going on. The speech therapist should be by sometime this afternoon. Be nice to her."

"I will,” promised Josh as he awkwardly crossed his heart with his right hand.

"Good, you need anything before I go?"

"Just put the basin at the end of the bed."

"You feel sick?"

"No, but just in case. And can you put my backpack on the chair so I can reach it?" said Josh with a grin.

"Sure. Anything you want me to bring back with me later?"

"No, I think I have everything I need."

"You’ll be okay until Leo gets here?"

"Donna, I'm a grown man, I can be alone for half an hour. B-besides the nurses are in here every fifteen minutes. Must be my charming personality and my boyish good l-looks."

Donna rolled her eyes and kissed him. "Yeah, I'm sure that must be the reason. I love you. I'll be back after dinner."

"Love you too. Bye

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday night and Monday passed by with few problems. Josh had responded well to the therapy and worked hard. 

But by Tuesday morning he was getting very restless. Donna had spent Monday night at the farm with boys. They were also getting restless, like their father and Donna just needed a break from the hospital and Josh.

When she arrived on Tuesday Josh was staring at his breakfast of yogurt and tea. The IV had been capped off on Monday afternoon after Josh showed he could eat and keep his food down. He was still very apprehensive about trying anything solid after the incident with the grilled cheese. But he was eating enough as far as volume was concerned so Tom ordered the IV capped. 

"Morning, sweetie. How are you feeling?" asked Donna as she hung up her coat and dropped her tote bag on the recliner. She sat down next to Josh on the bed and kissed his cheek. 

"Tired," he said, almost in a whisper.

Donna tipped up his chin to look him in the eye. He was a little pale. She kissed his forehead, it was cool. She glanced at the tray of food. "You didn't eat too much. Not hungry?"

"Not really," he sighed.

"Well, drink something and then I'll help you with your sneakers, Ken should be here in a few minutes."

"Oh, goodie," muttered Josh as he pushed the tray away forcefully enough to spill some of the tea."

Donna took a deep breath and tried to control her own growing frustrations before trying to help Josh deal with his. She chose to ignore him and went to get his sneakers out of the closet. She pulled up the chair as Josh slowly moved to the edge of the bed. She put on his left sneaker and he made a halfhearted attempt to lift his right foot into her lap. Donna managed to control the rolling of her eyes and pulled his foot into her lap.

"There, you're good to go."

"Whatever," muttered Josh as he scooted back on the bed to stretch out.

"Josh, Ken will be here any minute, don't lie back down."

Josh got back up but said nothing, choosing instead to sit and pout. He sighed a couple of times and generally acted like a little kid who didn't get his way.

Donna tried her best to just ignore him but after five minutes of huffing from Josh she lost it. She closed the door to the room, pulled up a chair and sat down in front of him. His hands were on his knees and she covered them with her own. She was trying her best to be sympathetic and kind when she really wanted to give him a swift kick in the ass.

"Joshua, look at me," she said sternly.

He took a deep breath and looked her in the eye.

"What's wrong?"

Josh just shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything.

"Are you in pain, do you feel sick?" she asked, her voice softening as the look on his face tore at her heart.

"Not really," he sighed.

"Just having a bad day?"

"I guess," he said looking down at the floor.

Donna got up and stood between his knees. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on her chest. Donna took a deep breath to try and get a hold of her own emotions as she kissed the top of his head and held him tight.

She looked up when she saw the door to the room open slightly. Ken poked his head in and she held up a finger for him to give them a minute. He just waved and closed the door quietly. She rubbed Josh's back as she felt his tears soak through her t-shirt.

Finally a few minutes later she felt him take a shaky breath and push away from her. 

"You ready to get to work?" she asked with a smile. 

"Sure. I g-guess I just n-needed a detour down self-pity lane," he said with a small smile.

"You're entitled to it. Let me get a washcloth to wipe your face," she said as she went into the bathroom.

"Was that Ken that poked his head in?" 

"Yeah, it was. Look up," she said as she ran a cool damp cloth over his face. "Better?"

"Yeah. Go tell Ken I'm ready."

Donna grabbed her bag and started for the door.

"Thanks, honey," said Josh with a big, somewhat crooked, dimpled smile.

"You're welcome."

Donna stepped out into the hall and saw Ken at the nurse's station.

"What's up?" he asked grabbing his cup of coffee.

"I don't know. Just a bad day. He seems a little down, a little emotional. He's getting restless in here."

"OK, thanks for letting me know. He's got a lot to cover today. If he's getting out of here by the end of the week with just the cane he needs to be steadier, otherwise he's leaving with the walker. He probably won't be back in the room until lunch. And I'll work with him again sometime late this afternoon. Why don't you go see the kids?"

"I think I will. I'll see you later."

Donna headed for the elevator and Ken turned to go in the room.

"Morning Josh."

"Hey Ken. Sorry for making you wait."

"No problem. I needed some more caffeine anyway," he teased, holding up his rather large mug of coffee. "Ready?"

"I suppose," said Josh as Ken reached out to help him maneuver into the wheelchair.

Josh spent the session grumbling more than usual but still working as hard as he could. He was desperate to leave to hospital and it showed in his determination.

It was indeed lunchtime when he got back to his room. Donna had just returned from the farm.

Hey, how'd it go?" she asked as Ken wheeled him in.

"Good," said Josh.

"Really good," corrected Ken, "He really worked hard. He's gonna be tired. I'll be back around 4:00, OK?"

"Yeah, fine." said Josh tiredly.

Ken smiled and left, closing the door behind him.

"So what lovely meal is hiding under the cover?" asked Josh with a smirk.

Donna went over to take a look. "Not too bad. Macaroni and cheese, applesauce and ice cream. You going to stay in the chair or do you want to get back in bed."

"Uh, chair, for now. I'm tired of the bed."

Donna pushed the tray table in front of him and took the lids off everything. Josh grabbed the spoon in his right hand and did very well.

"Hey, I'm impressed," said Donna as she pointed to his hand.

"Yeah, it's coming along pretty well," he grinned.

After lunch Josh slept for a while and Donna got some work done. She needed to make a decision about the boys. She had already talked to their school and made arrangements for them to do their work for the week via the computer but she really needed to get them home over the weekend and back to their routine. Even if Josh got out of the hospital on Thursday she really didn't see him being ready to fly home on Sunday. She considered her options. 

Their previous nanny had taken another job and wasn't available. Donna's parents both still worked and weren’t available. Although Leo would have gladly done it he had a busy week coming up and was heading back home on Saturday. Abbey offered to take them home but Donna felt that would be too much of a disruption for the boys, having security people around all the time. 

Just as Donna was out of ideas the e-mail alert sounded on her computer. It was a message from Sam. He had taken a week long vacation and was flying out on the red eye Thursday night. He was willing to do whatever they needed. And that included an offer to take the boys back home.

Donna sent a quick note, hoping to catch him before he left for the airport. She took him up on his offer.

Josh woke up a little after 3:00, had something to drink and watched CNN until Ken came with the walker.

"You're making me walk to PT," said Josh with his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, got a problem with that?" grinned Ken.

"Not if it gets me out of this d-dump," replied Josh, returning the grin.

Donna walked with them down to the PT room and stayed for a while. She watched as Ken pushed Josh through his exercises. She shuddered when Josh almost fell and tears came to her eyes as she watched his frustration grow and his stamina diminish. After an hour or so she just couldn't take it anymore and went for a walk.

It was a warm spring day so she went outside to walk around the block. She stopped at a newsstand and glanced at the headlines. It wasn't the headlines that caught her attention, it was the date. Josh and Jed had been shot 13 years earlier. She couldn't believe she had forgotten it. But in the chaos of everything that had happened in the past 4 days it had slipped her mind. The realization of the date made a few things clearer, especially Josh's mood.

Josh was back in the room when she returned. He was in the chair looking sweaty and exhausted.

"Hey. How was it?"

"Torture. I want to shower and go to sleep."

"Yeah, well, stick a little dinner in the plan and you got yourself a deal."

"Fine, but shower first, I think I stink."

"Well, yeah, that you do. Come on," said Donna as she stood in front of him to help him to his feet.

She helped him take a shower and get changed into a pair of pajamas. Dinner was on the tray when they got out of the bathroom.

Josh ate without any great problems but still wouldn't try anything more solid than pasta. He left the meatballs on the plate as well as the bread. Donna decided not to make an issue out of it. The occupational therapist was going to spend some time with Josh in the morning to help him get over some of his fear.

Donna tried a little to talk to Josh after he ate but it was clear he just wasn't in a talkative mood. He was more withdrawn than he had been since the whole ordeal started. Although she was pretty sure it had to do with the anniversary of the shooting she wasn't positive. And if he hadn't remembered the day she didn't want to be the one to remind him. So she gave up her end of the conversation.

He watched TV for a little while. Donna noticed he steered clear of the news channels, which made her think he did take notice of the date.

By 7:30 Josh was exhausted but extremely restless. 

"Josh, turn off the TV. Try to get some sleep," suggested Donna as she glanced up from the stack of papers she was reading.

"I don't know. I'm too restless," he sighed, banging his head against the pillow.

"So I've noticed. You want to walk up and down the hall? Want some tea? Want me to leave?"

"No, don't go," he said very quickly. Something in the tone of his voice made Donna's heart sink. She put aside her papers, kicked off her slippers and curled up on the bed next to him.

"I'm not going anywhere." she whispered as she put her arms around him.

Josh settled down with his head on her shoulder. Donna grabbed his right hand and put in on her stomach, covering it with her left hand. Feeling him take a few deeps breaths as if to say something but then changing his mind Donna just held him tighter and kissed the top of his head. She reached over her head to turn off the light, leaving the room dark, except for the light under the door from the hallway.

Josh took another deep breath and whispered something Donna didn't quite catch. "What sweetie, I didn't hear you?"

"13 years," he choked. He rolled over onto his back.

"Oh Josh," she said as she reached her hand under his pajama top and rested her hand over the scar on his chest. 

They stayed that way for a long time, not talking, not crying, just thinking.

"Except for Jake's birthday I really h-hate the m-month of May," said Josh, finally breaking the silence in the room.

"I know. I suggest we go to Hawaii next year for the whole month," teased Donna.

For some reason that struck Josh as pretty funny and he laughed until suddenly he wasn't laughing anymore. At the first choking gasp Donna pushed herself closer to the head of the bed and settled his head on her chest. Her fingers wound through his hair as huge silent sobs wracked his body. It was the first time in about 6 years that he had been able to cry on the anniversary. He usually just kept everything inside and snapped at innocent people for about a week every May. Knowing the best thing for him was to just let it all out, Donna said nothing, choosing instead to just comfort him the best she could.

Ten minutes later he showed no signs of stopping and Donna was seriously beginning to worry he was going to make himself sick. She kissed his forehead and caressed his stubbled cheek.

"Josh, I need you to take deep breath. You're going to make yourself sick."

With some effort he stopped sobbing and took a couple of shaky breaths. He moved off of her and onto the pillow. Donna sat up and reached to hold his hand.

"Sorry," he said as he looked at the damp and wrinkled fabric of her shirt.

"You have nothing to apologize for. There's nothing wrong with a good cry," she said with a grin.

"If you're a girl," muttered Josh.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," teased Donna as she reached over him to grab the box of tissues. "Here."

"Thanks. I actually do feel better, oddly enough. Even though I now have a headache and my nose is all stuffed up" said Josh was a small smile on his face.

"Good. You think you're ready to get some sleep?" she asked as she wiped the last few tears from the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah. I just need to use the bathroom and get a drink of water."

Donna got him the walker and went with him as far as the door. He insisted that he would be fine in the bathroom by himself. Pacing around the room waiting for him she debated whether to spend the night or head back to the farm after he was asleep. She heard Josh groan in the bathroom.

"Josh, you ok?" she called through the door.

"Yeah, just got a good look at myself in the mirror. You can come in."

Donna chuckled as she turned the doorknob and went in. Josh was standing at the sink, or rather leaning on the sink, looking at his pale, stubbled reflection in the mirror. He had his toothbrush in his left hand and toothpaste on his chin. Donna grabbed a towel and wiped his face. Reaching for the hairbrush she pulled her hair back in a ponytail as he finished brushing his teeth.

When Josh was done she stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his left shoulder.

"God, I don't look much better." she said getting a good look at her own reflection.

"You look beautiful." 

"Thanks."

Donna backed up a step and turned him around to face her. He leaned heavily against the sink. Wrapping her arms around his waist she pulled him close and kissed him, really kissed him for the first time his stroke. When he pulled away he laughed a little, trying to catch his breath.

"What's so funny?"

"Uh, apparently something was unaffected by the stroke," he grinned as he looked down.

Donna burst out laughing and kissed his forehead. "Come on Joshua, time for bed."

"Really?" asked Josh his eyes suddenly wide open.

Donna started to reach up to smack him on the back of the head but thought better of it at the last second. "You're impossible," she grinned as she helped him into the bed.

"You going to stay tonight?"

"It's up to you."

"Stay, please?"

"Of course. Roll over, I'll rub your back for you."

Josh was instantly quiet but slow to settle down and actually fall asleep. Finding a comfortable position was difficult. His normal fidgety tendencies had been magnified over the last day or so. The fact that he couldn't just get up and wander around to get rid of the nervous energy was really starting to get to him. More than once Donna had to bite her tongue to keep from snapping at him when his fidgeting got to be downright annoying. 

When she was sure he was asleep Donna crept off the bed and settled down in the recliner with her laptop. She read her email. There were messages from CJ and Toby, letting them know they were thinking about them on the anniversary and wanting to know how Josh was doing. Donna turned her attention to her work for a while until she heard a soft knock on the door. Looking up she saw Jed standing in the doorway with a sad smile on his face.

"Come in." said Donna. "He's sleeping."

"I, uh, figured he would be...I just wanted to...you know today is..." stuttered Jed.

"Yeah," said Donna as she gave him a hug. She led him to the chair next to the bed and helped him out of his coat. "You didn't drive here did you?"

"Yeah right. Abbey doesn't like me driving the pick up around the farm. I wanted to come by earlier but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face him. I knew I would break down if I did. So I took the coward's way out and waited until I thought he would be asleep."

Donna sighed and put her hands on Jed's shoulders. He moved his hands to cover hers. 

"It's ok. I think he'll be relieved you waited. I think it would have been too much for him." 

"How was he today?"

"Cranky, tired, teary. It wasn't a good day."

"Sounds pretty much like my day," sighed Jed.

Donna glanced at her watch; it was almost 9:00. "I need to go get something to eat, I didn't have dinner. You want to stay for a while? He probably won't wake up but if he does he'll be glad to see you."

"I'd like that."

"You want some coffee?"

"Please, decaf."

"Sure."

Donna turned off the light as she left the room. Jed pulled the chair closer and rested his elbows on the bed, propping up his chin. Trying not to think about that horrible night 13 years earlier was all but impossible. Flashes of memories flooded his brain as silent tears fell from his eyes, ran down his cheeks and landed on Josh's hand.

Forty-five minutes later Donna came back and found both Jed and Josh sound asleep. Jed had his head on the bed, his hand covering Josh's. She watched them for a few minutes as her own tears fell. Pulling herself together she gently shook Jed's shoulder until he woke up. They drank their coffee and chatted for a while. Jed left around 10:30.

Now it was Donna's turn at being fidgety. She paced around the room for a few minutes, walked to get a cup of coffee and talked to the nurses as they changed the shift. Josh's nurse for the night was a petite redhead named Cathy. Both Donna and Josh liked her a lot. She had a great sense of humor and handled Josh very well. She walked Donna back down the hall to check on Josh's vitals. He was sleeping when they got there but was very restless.

"He have a good day today?" asked Cathy as she secured the blood pressure cuff on his arm.

"Not really. It was kind of an emotional day. Thirteen years ago today was the day that Josh and Jed Bartlet were shot."

"I remember that day. I was a senior in high school. I remember seeing Josh's picture on TV and thinking he was cute," said Cathy as she turned red.

Donna laughed as she reached to brush back Josh's hair. "He feels a little warm," she said, frowning.

Cathy grabbed the thermometer. "Sure is, 100.8." She made a few notes on his chart. "I'll let the doctor know. You need anything before I go?"

"No, think we're ok. Guess I'll see you in about 4 hours."

"Of course, sleep well."

"Thanks."

Donna changed into a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt of Josh's. She stretched out of the cot and tossed and turned for a while, finally falling asleep a little after midnight. An uninterrupted nights sleep just wasn't in the cards when Josh woke up a little after 2:00.

"Donna...Donna." called Josh from the bed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her eyes still closed and her brain far from functioning fully.

"Never mind. I couldn't reach the tissues. I got them."

"OK." muttered Donna as she closed her eyes again.

"Oh God," moaned Josh and with that Donna was awake and at his side in an instant.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she fumbled for the light over the head of the bed. As soon as she turned it on, she knew. Nosebleed.

Donna grabbed a wad of tissues and held it up to his face with one hand as she searched for the call button with the other. Cathy was there within a minute.

"You know Josh, I was enjoying a cup of tea," she teased as she walked over to the bed. "What happened, Donna get tired of the fidgeting and just let you have it?"

Josh grinned a little under the tissues and shook his head.

"He just blew his nose," explained Donna.

"Okay," said Cathy as she pulled on a pair of gloves. "Let's take a look. Tip your head up a little." She pulled off the tissues and took a quick look. She replaced the bloody tissues with fresh ones. "OK, I'm going to raise the head of the bed. I want you to sit and lean forward just a little. Don't want the blood to run down the back of your throat. Donna, just hold the tissues and pinch firmly. I'll be right back." Both Josh and Donna nodded silently as she left.

Donna held the tissues with one hand and rubbed his back with the other. Josh coughed and choked a little.

"You gonna be sick?" asked Donna as she glanced around looking for the pink basin.

"No, just need to 'pit," he said, his voice muffled by the tissues.

"Pit? Oh, spit, sorry, I'm really not fully awake. Uh, here's a tissue."

By the time Cathy got back with some gauze the bleeding had slowed considerably. She took over for Donna so Donna could get a washcloth and a clean shirt for Josh.

"Okay, looks like it's almost stopped. Don't think we'll need to pack it at all. Which, believe me, is not a very pleasant experience."

Cathy and Donna carefully slipped off Josh's bloody shirt and pulled a new one over his head. Donna washed the blood off of his face and hands. Josh rinsed his mouth and settled back under the blankets. The two women chatted for a few minutes while Josh drifted back to sleep.

"OK, keep the head of the bed up a little. Obviously, keep him still. If you need anything, just buzz me."

"Thank you," said Donna.

"You're welcome, now get some sleep yourself."

The rest of the night was relatively peaceful. Josh got up once to use the bathroom but slept fine the rest of the time. Donna was able to get a few hours of much needed sleep too.


	4. Chapter 4

Donna slept until the door opened and Josh's breakfast tray was dropped off a little after 7:00. Taking a glance at Josh she saw he was still sound asleep. It was a beautiful morning and she opened the blinds a little to let in the light and to maybe help wake Josh up. That effort failed when he just moaned at the offending light and rolled over on his other side. 

"So much for that idea," she chuckled to herself. "Josh, come on, time to get up," she said as sweetly as she could as she sat down and rubbed his shoulder. He was on his left side facing away from her and the brightness of the window.

She was rewarding with a groan. Unfortunately it was more a groan of pain than a groan of a man who just didn't feel like getting up. She reached over and squeezed his right hand a little.

"Owww," he muttered as he pulled his hand away and tried to pull the blanket up again.

Tucking her hair behind her ears Donna leaned over and planted a kiss on his forehead. He was still warm.

"Josh, honey, what's wrong?"

"It hurts," he mumbled, his eyes still tightly closed.

"What, your hand?"

"Hand, leg, everything," he muttered as he slowly rolled onto his back.

Donna was once again faced with the task of figuring out if Josh was just tired and cranky or if something was really wrong. In general he had a pretty high tolerance for pain and wasn't really a complainer. One look at his pale face and Donna knew the answer. His normally clear brown eyes were dulled with pain and although he was trying his best to smile, it didn't quite ring true.

Cathy knocked on the door and came in when Donna waved.

"Just stopping by before I go home. How're you doing this morning?" she asked more cheerfully than a person should sound at 7 in the morning.

"Not so good," muttered Josh.

"Oh no. What seems to be wrong?" she asked as she glanced over Josh to get Donna's reaction. Donna shrugged her shoulders a little.

"Everything just hurts."

"Hurts how? Are you stiff from too much PT yesterday?"

"I guess." he said with a sigh.

"OK, let's get your vitals and go from there," said Cathy as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his arm. "Looks pretty good." Temperature was next. "Still a little feverish, 100.5, probably part of your problem. Why don't you sit up a little, try to eat something and I'm going to see if Dr. Stephenson is in yet."

Cathy left, leaving Donna to try and get Josh to eat something. She pulled the lid off the tray. Scrambled eggs, yogurt, a banana and tea. Pasting a fake smile on her face she asked Josh what he wanted to start with. Even though he wasn't particularly hungry deep Josh knew he had to eat something or endure the wrath of Donna and possibly Tom. He glanced at the capped IV in his hand and really didn't relish the possibility of it being hooked back up. He felt tied down enough; he didn't need the added tether of the IV pole.

The mere sight and smell of the eggs was enough to turn his stomach so he settled for the yogurt and the tea.

"Could you just get rid of the eggs?" he asked Donna.

"Sure," she said, just happy that he planned on eating something without a major discussion.

Josh was about done with the yogurt when Tom came in to see him. The three of them chatted for a while. Tom listened to Josh's complaints, did an examination and then talked some more.

"Well, the fact that you feel, as you put it, like death on a Triscuit, could be any number of things. The fact that your temperature is up is certainly a factor. Now that could be from the TPA or it could be any number of other things. You could have picked up a virus on the plane or from the kids. We'll keep an eye on it. The pain could be from something as simple as overdoing it yesterday in therapy or it could be something called post-stroke pain syndrome. Which is basically unexplained pain and other sensations after a stroke. But what you're describing sounds more like overwork and possibly a virus of some kind. So for today, I want you to take things a little slower. I'll have Ken go easier on you, but don't think you're getting out of therapy altogether," explained Tom with a little laugh. "The occupational therapist will be in at lunchtime to work on getting you back on solid food."

Josh let out a little groan at the mention of solid food.

"Josh, I know you're still a little freaked out from the grilled cheese but it's time to work on that," said Tom in a tone that said he expected some results and soon.

"Okay. You think maybe I can get outside for a little while. I'm going crazy in here."

"Sure. Use the chair and I'll let you outside for a while. Now, you need to eat something else besides yogurt," he added as he stood up to leave. "I'll be by to check on you later."

"Thanks," said Josh and Donna at the same time.

Josh eyed the banana warily, not really ready to try and eat it. 

"How about if I go see what else I can find for breakfast?"

"Thanks. I just don't think I can.." he said, his voice just trailing off at the end.

"Josh, it's ok. You'll work with the therapist at lunch. It'll get better. Here," she said as she handed him the TV remote. "catch the headlines and I'll be back in a minute."

Josh flicked on the TV in time to see a clip of himself from 13 years earlier. He punched the remote to turn the TV back off and curled up under the blanket.

Donna came back with a can of Ensure, a cup of applesauce and the newspaper. Josh had his eyes closed when she came in but he wasn't fooling her at all.

"Come on, eat something," she said, nudging him a little.

"Fine," he said wearily.

He ate the applesauce and drank half the can of Ensure by the time Ken poked his head in. 

"Hey, rough morning?"

"Yeah," said Josh quietly.

"OK, so we'll take it a little easy."

Apparently Josh and Ken had a difference of opinion when it came to a light day. Ken still pushed and for a while Josh pushed back but after about an hour it was clear the pain was getting to Josh. He was walking with the walker when he just couldn't get his right foot to cooperate and he went down. Luckily he was on the mat at the time and wasn't really hurt, just startled, fed up and frustrated. 

"Well, as long as you're down there why don't we stop now and stretch," said Ken as he knelt next to Josh and helped him sit up.

Josh couldn't even speak, he just nodded and wiped at the tears of frustration that threatened to spill from the corners of his eyes.

An hour and forty-five minutes later he was back in bed, having finished up PT and showered. Donna was on the phone with Abbey, explaining how things were going and asking about the boys. The occupational therapist arrived with lunch. Donna chose to leave and let her work with Josh one on one.

A little over an hour later Donna was in the cafeteria working on her laptop when the Occupational Therapist tracked her down.

"Hi, I'm Michelle Harris, I'm sorry we didn't really get to meet earlier." she said as she stopped at Donna's table.

"Hi, Donna Lyman." she replied, holding out her hand. "Sit, please. So how did it go?"

"Well, your husband is quite..."

"Stubborn?"

"I was trying to think of a nicer way to put it, but yes, stubborn."

"Did you make any progress?"

"Honestly, not a whole lot. We talked for a while before we got to the actual eating part of the session. Honestly, my initial feeling is that his problem is mostly psychological. Yes, he is having some difficulty swallowing due to the stroke but I think the sensation of not being able to get the grilled cheese down is just fresh in his mind and he's scared. Now we could do all kinds of swallowing tests, some of which are not pleasant or we can give him a few more days to try and work this out. He's taking in enough food now and if that changes he still has the IV in, we can go back to IV fluids. I'll work with him until he's discharged and then we can decide about outpatient services."

Donna took a minute to digest the information and then thanked Michelle before heading back to check on Josh. When she talked to the boys that morning they were anxious to come up and see Josh. They hadn't been there since the day Josh had been admitted. It wasn't that Donna thought they couldn't handle it, the fact was, she was more worried about how Josh would handle it. And now, days later, the boys, especially Jake, were starting to wonder if their parents were keeping something from them. Donna tried to reassure them that Josh was indeed getting better but they needed proof. They needed to see their Dad.

So Donna had made plans the previous evening for Abbey to bring the boys over after lunch. Donna had managed to push that off until late afternoon and now she was trying to think of a way to push it off until evening. She was still trying to decide just what to do when she got to Josh's room. 

With the curtains drawn the room was fairly dark. Blue and gray images from the TV cast an eerie pattern over Josh's face as he was curled up, sound asleep. Extracting the remote from his left hand, Donna clicked the television off and pulled the chair next to the bed. Even in the shadows she could tell he was pale. 

She kissed his cheek. As expected, he was warm. She got a cool cloth from the bathroom and put it on his forehead. With a sigh she picked up the phone and called Abbey to make some plans. 

Twenty minutes later they had decided what to do. Abbey and Leo would bring the boys over around 6:00. They would stop and pick up some dinner on the way and the 6 of them would eat in the courtyard. By late afternoon Jed was usually wiped out so he decided to stay and come for a visit in the morning, if Josh wasn't being discharged.

At a little before 5:00 Donna sat down on the bed to wake Josh up. She rubbed his back and brushed back his hair.

"Josh, come on, wake up," she said, starting out the task nice and quiet.

No response at all, time to dial it up.

"Josh," she said a little louder as she shook his shoulder. She didn't want to be too forceful and hurt him. A groan was all she got in response so she opened the blinds to let in the later afternoon sun.

"Josh, the kids are coming with Leo and Abbey in an hour. Time to get up," she said, raising her voice another couple of decibels.

He groaned again and did make a real effort to sit up. Reaching for the button he raised the head of the bed a little while Donna put his shoes on the bed of the bed where he could reach them.

"You going to go outside in those?" she asked as she pointed to the flannel pajamas he had on.

"No," he said with a big roll of the eyes. "Can you hand me some s-sweats?"

Donna tossed him a pair of blue sweatpants and a clean t-shirt. It took him a little while but he did manage to unbutton the pajamas with one hand. Managing to get the t-shirt halfway over his head he got stuck when he couldn't quite get his right arm to cooperate. Rather than stand there waiting for him to ask for help Donna just reached over and gave him a hand.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I'll give you a hand with the pants."

Donna handed him his shoes and headed for the bathroom as soon as she had helped him into the sweats. Not really needing to use the bathroom she just sat on the toilet lid to give Josh time to try and put on his shoes by himself. Flushing the toilet to add a realistic touch to her cover she opened the door to see how he was doing. With Josh deep in concentration she was able to watch him for a minute unnoticed. He was trying as hard as he could to get the fingers on his right hand to cooperate enough to tie his shoes. And, unfortunately, it was not going very well. His arm was coming along nicely but the fine motor skills needed to tie and write were still lacking somewhat.

Keeping herself from rushing over and helping him was harder for Donna than she had thought it would be. After the fourth attempt that she had seen, who knew how many times he had tried before she came out of the bathroom, she crossed the room and gently put her hands over his, rubbing her thumbs across the backs of his hands. She felt and heard Josh sigh before he tipped his head up to look at her. His eyes met hers and it was all she could do to hold herself together.

"Let me help you. Michelle will work on that tomorrow," she said as she pointed towards his shoes.

"I feel so...helpless," he said, his voice catching in his throat.

"Josh, honey, you're not helpless. Look how far you've come in only a few days. Not everything's going to come back at once. Give it time. The boys will be here soon. You need to use the bathroom before we head down?"

"Yeah."

They arrived in the courtyard about 10 minutes before Abbey, Leo and the boys. As predicted the boys were very excited to see their Dad and had a little trouble understanding that they couldn't just hug Josh as hard as they wanted. After a few minutes Donna got them calmed down and sitting around the table to eat. Abbey had brought some chicken and mashed potatoes from the takeout place around the corner from the hospital. Leo handed Josh a container of potatoes and a milk shake. Nobody commented on the fact that he didn't have chicken, not even the boys. He did manage to eat some of the potatoes but was having some difficulty with the spoon. Had they been in his room Donna would have just helped him but she knew he would never let her help him in front of the kids. She also knew that would have to change, and soon. He was content to drink the shake and enjoy the company of his children. When they had finished eating Donna and Abbey took a walk together, leaving the men to themselves.

Donna shared her fears about how it would be when Josh was discharged. She talked about the trouble he had been having with the pain and stiffness. Abbey gave her some pointers on dealing with a stubborn spouse. They talked about other things too. Things like Charlie and Zoey's twins and the fact that Sam was flying east in a few days. By the time they were all talked out and they had circled back to the courtyard the boys, as well as Leo and Josh were about ready to call it a night.

Thursday was a better day all around. Josh felt a little better, his temperature stayed down and he made some progress in therapy. He was set to be discharged on Friday. 

Donna had spent Thursday night at the farm with the boys. Josh woke up a little after 7:00 on Friday morning to find Leo sitting in the chair with a cup of coffee and the newspaper.

"Hey, you stay here last night?"

"Yeah. I sent Margaret back around midnight."

"Margaret was here?" asked Josh, a little confused.

"Yeah, for a while. You were pretty tired by the time she got here. I'm not surprised you don't remember."

"OK. Whatever."

The breakfast tray was delivered and Josh ate pretty well. He managed to get down some scrambled eggs. By the time he was done Donna was on her way up. They had a meeting with Tom, Ken and Michelle scheduled for 10:00. Leo took off to go back to the farm. Abbey had gone to the airport to pick up Sam and Jed was with the boys.

A little after noon Donna was putting the rest of Josh's things in the duffle bag as he was putting on his shoes. She tied them for him and gathered up the folder with all the discharge instructions, shoving them in his backpack before zipping it shut.

The meeting had gone well. In the end Ken had decided that Josh was ready to leave with just the cane. Michelle wasn't overly enthused about Josh's continuing reluctance to eat anything more solid than scrambled eggs or pasta but she made arrangements to see him few times before he and Donna headed back home. The only glitch in their escape came when Tom took the IV out and Josh bled a little more than Tom had anticipated. But with ten minutes of firm pressure it did stop. Josh was warned about taking care not to cut himself. He scoffed at the idea of an electric razor but Donna complained louder about the beard so he agreed to try it. Arrangements were made for some therapy over the next few days.

So far the plan was for Sam and the boys to fly to DC on Sunday afternoon. Sam would get them back to school and back to their normal routine. Depending on how Josh was feeling he and Donna would fly back sometime later in the week. Even though he was still exhausted and in a considerable amount pain Josh just wanted to get home. He tried to convince Tom that he could fly back with the boys but Tom put an end to that idea quickly. He felt it was just too much, too soon. And in the end Josh did see Tom's point and reluctantly agreed to wait a few more days.

By the time they arrived back at the farm it was nearly 2:00. Sam had gotten in a few hours earlier and was sleeping upstairs. Donna wanted Josh to get in bed and sleep for a while. He wasn't thrilled about that idea but he was also having trouble keeping his eyes open. So they compromised and he ended up on the couch in the family room. Abbey had had Josh and Donna's things brought to the bedroom downstairs, because there was no way Josh was ready to handle the stairs.

Once Josh was settled on the couch with the TV turned to CNN and a glass of iced tea he was asleep in a matter of minutes. He woke up a few hours later to find Sam sitting in the recliner watching him sleep.

"Hey." mumbled Josh sleepily.

Sam smiled and walked over to the couch. Josh was struggling to sit up and Sam gave him a hand. "There. So how're you feeling?"

"Tired and old. Thanks for coming and v-volunteering to take the boys home."

"There is no place else in the world I would be right now. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get out here."

"Believe me, you d-didn't miss much. A lot of crying, cursing and p-puking," said Josh with a small smile. "Help me up. I want to go outside for a little while. Haven't had much fresh air lately."

"And since when do you care about getting fresh air?" teased Sam as he helped him to his feet and handed him his cane.

"I get plenty of fresh air." muttered Josh as he started slowly down the hall. 

The pair stopped in the kitchen for a snack before heading out onto the porch. They sat on the swing for over an hour. The boys were in the driveway playing basketball with Margaret and Donna. Jed and Leo were in the kitchen, supposedly helping Abbey cook dinner.

Sam looked over to see Josh reach up to wipe a tear away from his cheek.

"You ok, buddy?"

"Yeah, fine. I just can't believe it...a stroke."

"Yeah." was all that Sam could think to say.

The basketball players took a break to get some iced from the kitchen. Sam went in with them, leaving Donna and Josh outside. Donna sat down next to Josh in the swing and tucked her feet up under her.

"Have a nice nap?"

"Yeah." he muttered, not looking in her direction.

Donna curled up sideways on the swing and ran her fingers through Josh's hair. He was staring out over the property, making a real effort to avoid eye contact with his wife. She let her fingers rest for a second on his cheek in a not so subtle move to check his temperature.

"I'm fine, I'm not hot." Josh said, his voice tinged with annoyance and something else Donna couldn't quite put her finger on.

Choosing to let the comment slide Donna picked up his right hand and put it in her lap. Letting her thumbs slide over his fingers she took a couple of deep breaths, waiting to see if he would say anything more. When it became clear he just wasn't interested in talking she kissed his forehead and headed back inside. She ran into Jed in the kitchen.

"Where's Josh?" Jed asked leaning against the counter, drinking a glass of iced tea.

"He's out on the swing."

"Think he wants company?"

"Apparently he doesn't want mine but maybe he'll talk to you." Donna said with a sigh.

"Donna, what's up?"

"I don't know. He's been too quiet the last day or two. I don't know if he's scared, worried, excited about going home, I have no idea."

"Let me go talk to him, one stubborn guy to another." he said with a grin.

"Thanks, I'll go help Abbey get dinner finished." said Donna as she kissed Jed on the cheek and handed him his cane.

Josh was pacing the length of the front porch when Jed went out. He stood leaning against the doorframe watching Josh for a few minutes.

"Jed, whatever she sent you out here to say, I would appreciate it if you just said it quickly." said Josh curtly as he started another lap around the porch.

"She didn't send me out here." spit Jed, determined to fight fire with fire.

"Then why are you here?"

"Cause last time I checked it was my house." said Jed, raising his voice loud enough for it to echo off the nearby trees.

Josh started to storm off but the only two options were the front door, which Jed was effectively blocking and the front stairs. Having taken a good five minutes to get up them when he arrived at the farm that afternoon he decided against trying to make a quick getaway.

"Josh, there is no escaping, so sit." said Jed, pointing at the swing with his cane.

"Fine." replied Josh a little harshly as he waved his cane at Jed.

Abbey happened to be passing by the front door at that time and broke out in a fit of giggles as she watched the dueling canes. But the "boys" were too busy to even notice her.

Josh sat down on the swing and Jed leaned against the railing as they basically stared each other down.

"This is crazy. Josh, talk." ordered Jed, sounding very presidential.

"About what? About how I still feel like shit? About how I have 2 young kids and a wife to support and I can't even climb the stairs by myself? How about the way I cringe every time I see solid food? Or the way I feel everybody is staring at me? Or how about..." Josh didn't quite get his last thought out before all the energy just seemed to disappear from his body and he slumped back further onto the swing.

"You ok?" asked Jed; a little worried that he had gotten Josh too worked up.

"Yeah. Just catching my breath. Feel free to jump in anytime you want." smirked Josh as he tapped his cane on the railing.

"OK, I will. For starters, no one is staring at you and you know that. As far as the solid food and the stairs are concerned, give it time. It's only been a week for God's sake. Yeah, you still feel lousy. Give your body some time. You need rest, you need.."

"Jed," said Josh as he put up a hand to stop him from continuing. "You have a freakish talent of channeling both Abbey and Donna at the same time. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

"So now what?" asked Josh with a sigh.

"I'm going to give you a little advice. You probably won't like it. Neither did I, I still don't, but I've found it makes my life a lot easier."

"What's that?"

"Let your wife help you. Let her fuss over you. If you don't get too worked up about it and just enjoy the attention it makes for a happier household, trust me," he said with a grin.

"I'll try."

"Good."

Josh was quiet for a few minutes, tapping the cane and using it to push off of the railing to get the swing going.

"What?"

"I was just thinking about what I want most right now."

"What's that?"

"To go home, to sit on my own couch, to sleep in my own bed."

"Soon," said Jed as they heard Abbey call them for dinner. "We'd better head in. You feel any better?"

Josh nodded, "Thanks."

Dinner was more relaxing than Josh had anticipated. Abbey had gone out of her way to make sure there was plenty of things he could eat without a problem. And he did make an effort to eat but really wasn't feeling very hungry. He was sitting at the end of the table, opposite Jed. Donna was to his right. When she was about halfway through her meal she leaned over and put her hand on his knee.

"You ok?" she asked quietly.

"I guess so," he answered as he pick up his fork in his right hand and pushed the food around on his plate.

"Hey Josh, you eager to get back home?" asked Margaret from the other end of the table. 

"Yeah, very eager," he said quickly.

After dinner Abbey, Margaret and Donna lingered in the kitchen over tea while Sam and Leo took the boys out to get some ice cream. Jed was stretched out on the couch in his study while Josh wandered restlessly around the house. A couple of times Donna had to stop herself from getting up to check on Josh. She knew he was fine, she could hear the tapping of his cane as he wandered around. So she turned her attention back to her conversation. A little while later the boys flew into the kitchen carrying the ice cream. 

Margaret scooped some out for them and got them settled in the family room with a movie. Abbey went to see if Jed wanted any. Realizing she hadn't heard the tapping of Josh's cane in about 20 minutes Donna went to find him. She found him sitting on the window seat in the family room. He was sitting with his back against the wall, elbows on his bent knees, head in his hands. His typical position when he was withdrawing from the world. Willing her own tears back down Donna nudged him over a little to sit next to him.

"The boys are back with the ice cream. You want any?"

"Yeah, vanilla," answered Josh after thinking about it for a minute.

"You want it in here?"

"How about out on the swing? Just you and me?" he asked with a smile.

"There's nothing more I want right now," said Donna as she leaned down to kiss his forehead. "I'll grab your jacket and meet you in the kitchen."

"Sounds good."

Josh and Donna settled on the porch swing. The night was cool and the stars were out in full force. They ate the ice cream and just sat side by side. Neither felt the need to talk yet volumes were spoken.

Josh shivered a little as the swing creaked and slowed to a stop a while later.

"You cold?"

"A little, but I'm not ready to go back in."

"Wait here," said Donna as she slid off the slide.

She came back a minute later with a blanket and a big mug of tea. "I'm going to get the boys settled in bed. I'll be back in a bit, okay?"

"I'll be here." he said with a big dimpled smile, the first one Donna had seen in days.

Fifteen minutes later the boys were in bed and Sam was reading to them.  
Donna went back out to the porch. Josh was right where she left him, which surprised her a little.

"Wow." she said with a grin.

"What?"

"You're right where I left you."

"Funny," he said as he tried to lift up the edge of the blanket but couldn't quite grasp it with his right hand.

Donna lifted it up herself and curled up next to him, holding out her hand for the mug.

"The boys are eager to get home."

"They're not the only ones. Donna, I want to go home."

"By next week."

"No, I want to go home, all of us, on Sunday."

"I don't know Josh. Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Probably not but I don't care," he said stubbornly.

Donna looked over at Josh. He had a very familiar determined look on his face, one that Donna hadn't seen much of recently. Running her hand against his cheek she sighed softly.

"Okay, I'll call Tom in the morning and see what he says. But for tonight, just try and get some sleep. You ready to go in?"

Josh nodded and pulled the blanket off his legs. He let Donna help him to his feet and headed inside while Donna grabbed the blanket and the mug.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed when Donna came in the room.

"You need some help?" she asked as she grabbed their pajamas out of the dresser.

Josh was staring out the window, a million miles away.

"Josh, you need some help?" Donna asked again as she held out his pajamas to him.

"Sorry, I was just thinking. Uh, I, uh. Actually I think I'll take a shower," he said as he got up slowly and walked towards the bathroom. He stopped and stared at the tub for a minute. The shower at the hospital was just a stall, easy in, easy out. This was a regular tub and shower, a foot high side to maneuver over.

"Uh Donna...I think I'm going to need a hand here," he called over his shoulder.

Donna smiled to herself, happy that he asked for help. She went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Josh had managed to get undressed by himself. After checking the temperature of the water Donna helped him into the shower. She hopped up on the counter and sat there keeping him company while he showered. After he got out he sat and kept her company while she took a turn in the shower.

As Josh settled down in bed a while later Donna wrapped her arms around him from behind. Breathing deeply she inhaled the familiar combination of Ivory soap, Crest and Tide.

She let out a breath against the back of Josh's neck, causing him to shiver.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Getting the smell of the hospital out of my nose," she said as he rolled over to face her.

He buried his face in her hair and inhaled the scent of her mango shampoo, Colgate (they could never agree on a toothpaste) and Tide.

She both heard and felt him sigh against her ear. "Isn't that better?" she whispered.

"Much."

Somewhere in the middle of the night the queen sized bed got a little crowded. Jessie was the first to get in with them; crawling between Josh and the wall. Sometime closer to dawn Jake wandered in and ended up between Josh and Donna. As the sun streaming in the window woke Donna she realized she was precariously close to falling off the bed. She sat up and looked at her "boys." Josh was asleep on his left side, facing the room. He and Jessie were snuggled up back to back. Jake on his back next to Josh, mouth open, snoring softly. Donna kissed Jake and Josh on the cheek and ruffled Jessie's hair before she climbed out of the bed.

Abbey was already in the kitchen when she wandered in.

"The boys outside already?"

"No, the three "boys" are still sound asleep," said Donna with a grin.

"How did Josh sleep?"

"Pretty well. A little restless but not too bad. He's intent on going home tomorrow. Any idea what Tom would say to that?"

"Hard to tell."

By 10:00 Josh was bugging Donna to call Tom. She told him to do it himself but he was reluctant to use the phone. His stuttering had diminished somewhat but he was worried he would get flustered trying to plead his case. And the more frustrated he got, the more he stuttered. Finally at 10:30 Donna called his service. He called back within 15 minutes. After talking to Donna, Abbey and a reluctant Josh he gave in and gave his blessing for Josh to fly home with the rest of the family. So the day was spent in a flurry of activity. Sam decided to keep his original plans and was going to fly home with them for a few days before returning to California.

In his hurry to get to the airport in California Sam had basically packed very little for the trip so he and the boys headed to the Mall of New Hampshire to pick up some things, including an electric razor for Josh.

After dinner that night Donna was packing the rest of their things when Josh, Sam, and Jed disappeared into the study. Leo and Margaret had headed back earlier in the afternoon with promises to meet in DC sometime over the summer.

Abbey was folding the rest of the boys' laundry when Donna wandered into the kitchen for a drink. She looked at Abbey and burst out laughing.

"What, can't the ex-First Lady fold the laundry?" teased Abbey. "Where are the guys?"

"In the study," said Donna as she inhaled sharply, "smoking cigars." she added as she wrinkled up her nose."

"Yuck," agreed Abbey, "Josiah Edwward, open the window in there." she yelled down the hall. 

"Yes, dear," came the chorus of three voices.

Saying goodbye the next morning was more difficult that anyone had anticipated. Tears fell freely from all of their eyes as they climbed into the rental car. Even at the last minute they were able to get seats together in first class. Sam and the boys sat in one row with Josh and Donna in the row in front of them.

Josh was by the window, fidgeting as usual. He was nervous and trying not to show it. It wasn't working. The plane had taken off on time but it was anything but a smooth flight. The wind was gusting, tossing the plane about. The breakfast he had choked down earlier wasn't sitting very well and he was trying to concentrate on deep, steady breathing.

"Josh, you ok?" asked Donna as she slid into her seat after using the restroom.

"Not really," he whispered as he turned to look at her.

One look at his face and she pulled the airsick bag out of the seat pocket and tried to hand it to him. He waved it off and leaned over with his elbows on his knees.

"Put your head down and take a deep breath."

He put his head in his hands while Donna reached out to rub his back gently. She could feel and hear his breathing getting faster and shallower.

"Josh, take a deep breath and hold it...good. Do it again," coached Donna as she tried to decide whether to send Josh to the bathroom. "Josh do you want to go into the bathroom?"

He shook his head.

"Okay. Just calm down. It'll be fine. Relax and concentrate on your breathing."

Feeling a hand on her shoulder Donna turned to face Sam.

"What do you need?" asked Sam as he cast a nervous glance at Josh.

"Uh, a couple of damp paper towels and some ginger ale."

Sam went over to the flight attendant and got what he needed, returning a few minutes later. "Here." he said as he handed Donna a couple of cool damp towels. "You want me to open this?" he said as he held up the soda.

"Yeah. And grab a straw."

Donna reached under Josh's chin and unbuttoned the denim shirt he had over his Mets t-shirt. She slipped it off his shoulders a little and put a cloth on the back of his neck.

"Better?" she asked as she ran a hand over his freshly shaven cheek.

"Yeah."

"You want to try and drink something?"

Josh nodded and sat up slowly. He was a little less pale and didn't look quite ready to toss his cookies. Managing to drink a little soda he calmed down considerably and stopped shaking.

The remainder of the flight was thankfully peaceful and they landed on time and found the car service waiting for them. When they arrived at the house Sam sent Josh and Donna in while he got the kids and the luggage inside. 

Luckily the master bedroom was on the first floor of the house and Donna had Josh settled down on the bed in minutes. He slept for the rest of the afternoon and into the early evening. Sam had taken the boys to the food store to pick up a couple of things and then cooked dinner for all of them. Josh picked at the food for a while and then excused himself from the table and went back into the bedroom.

Sam, Donna and the boys finished eating and Sam offered to clean up while Donna supervised the boys' showers and got their backpacks ready for the morning. Just as she was getting them settled in their beds she heard Josh go into the bathroom followed by the unmistakable sound of him getting sick.

"Donna," yelled Sam from the kitchen.

"I hear him. Take over for me up here."

They passed on the stairs, each hurrying to their destination. 

Josh was in the bathroom, head hanging over the toilet throwing up what little he had eaten. Donna knelt behind him, held his head and rubbed his back. Fifteen minutes later they were still in the same position and Donna was on the verge of yelling for Sam to bring the phone so she could call Tom, Abbey, somebody with an MD after their name. 

Just as Josh was starting to catch his breath and calm down Sam knocked on the door and opened it just enough to hand Donna a can of ginger ale.

"You c-can c-come in," mumbled Josh.

Sam crept in and sat on the edge of the tub. Josh was sitting on the floor cross-legged with his head in his hands. Donna was rubbing his back and holding the can of soda for him.

"You ready to get back in bed?" she asked as Josh lifted his head and looked at her and then Sam.

"I think so."

Sam pulled him to his feet while Donna got a washcloth to wipe his face. 

"Thanks," said Josh to Sam as he turned to leave.

"No problem. Yell if you need anything," said Sam as he closed the door behind him.

"Some homecoming, huh?" mumbled Josh.

"We're home, that's the important part," whispered Donna as she ran the cool cloth over his face. "Better?"

Josh nodded and settled down under the blankets. Donna kissed his forehead and stayed until he fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh sat on the back deck of the house with a beer. It was a little after 9:00 on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. The sun had finally set and the boys had just gone in to get ready for bed. The remnants of an earlier cookout were scattered around the yard, a few paper plates, a stray football, empty beer bottles and soda cans. Josh was relaxing with his feet up on the railing thinking about the week ahead.

The boys were set to return to school on Wednesday and on Thursday Josh was set to return to GWU. He was going back slowly, teaching only two classes during the fall semester.

The summer had gone fairly well. Josh had worked hard in physical therapy and made some big strides. But he didn't get back to where he had been before the stroke. Not that he really thought he would. He still tired easily and stuttered some when tired or frustrated. Much to his annoyance he was forced to use the cane all the time. But he had gotten used to it, reluctantly.

The one thing he wasn't able to do was drive. That was the hardest thing to accept. He did try a few times but, much to Donna's relief, he came to the conclusion on his own that he lacked the reflexes in his right leg to drive safely. So in that respect he felt a little helpless. 

So they hired some help. That help came in the form of Ben Weaver, a student at GWU. He was a junior Poli-Sci major who was putting himself through school. Josh hired him to be a driver, an extra set of hands, and an occasional babysitter. He moved into the spare bedroom off the kitchen, thus saving money on room and board. It had been about 6 weeks since he had moved in and things were going well. The boys adored him and he handled Josh with the respect and attitude he deserved. He learned from Donna when to let Josh rant and rave and when to tell him to knock it off.

Donna was busy with her job too. She felt better about leaving for work each morning knowing Josh wouldn't be by himself. There had been some roughs spots soon after they had come home from New Hampshire. With a little help from Jed, Leo and Sam, Donna had been able to talk Josh into getting some outside help. His outlook improved with continuing therapy.

As the stars filled the sky that September evening Josh thought back to the day of the stroke. He had never admitted to anyone the fear he had felt as he was lying on the floor in the Bartlet's kitchen. It was almost worse than Rosslyn. In Rosslyn there had been pain and blood, in New Hampshire there was little pain, just a feeling of nothingness. Now, almost 4 months later it was like something out of a movie, surreal and distant. 

After working hard the only physical signs that remained were the cane and an occasional stutter to remind him. Emotionally he bore scars that few would ever see. The all too frequent nightmares; dreams about two different days, both equal in their horror. The fear of not being around to see his kids grow up. The sense of dread he felt every time he felt a new ache, a new pain, a strange sensation. The days when his body betrayed him and he fumbled through the simplest of tasks, tying his shoes, walking up the stairs, speaking without hesitating. The fact that some days he just couldn't enjoy an over done hamburger or a haunting melody by Schubert.

But he knew, that when those fears and worries hit he had places and people to turn to. He had Donna and the boys, a circle of friends and the memory of his parents and Joanie. He found comfort in familiar places, the steps in front of the Lincoln Memorial, the chair in his study that used to belong to his father, the comfort and warmth of Donna's embrace.

The self-imposed era of the pity party he had allowed himself to occasionally have during the summer was over that day. He was determined to live life as it should be lived, with enthusiasm, love and most of all, hope.

As he turned to go back into the house a star streaked across the sky. He thought about something someone once told him years earlier; that with time, we do indeed, get better.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next---
> 
> Stumbling Towards Contentment


End file.
